Have you ever been GHOSTED?

Perhaps you hit it off with someone and thought you were getting on so well. You send one of your usual cheerful messages... and then, nothing!

Your first reaction might be DOUBT.

Oh, something must have gone wrong with the internet. I need to send it again.

But there's still radio silence. Which goes on and on until you are forced to accept... I've been ghosted.

The dictionary definition of ghosting is this:

The practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly, and without explanation, withdrawing from all communication.

In these days of online relationships it's even easier and more common to ghost and be ghosted.

And not just in personal relationships, with all the hurt that causes. It can happen easily in professional situations too where the stakes can be very high and impact you on a different level.

6 Stages

I've identified 6 stages - similar to the stages of grief - that so many people go through. Not necessarily in order, and sometimes repeatedly.

These are:
1. Doubt
2. Denial
3. Grief & Loss, including loss of self-confidence
4. Self-Blame
5. Anger
6. Peace & Acceptance

Unfortunately working through this process can take a very long time. Some people never get there.

Old Trauma

The problem is that old memories of rejection and abandonment - big and small, even trivial, but hurtful none the less - can be triggered.

So we try to heal the present not realizing that the past also needs our love and attention.

EFT as a solution

Tapping is so helpful because it addresses the 3 main areas:

Our feelings:
Emotions such as sadness, anger, shame and anxiety, and how we physically feel and store those in our body.

Our thoughts:
'Why did they stop talking to me?'
'What did I do wrong?'
'How can people be so rude?'
'Will I ever see them again?'

Our memories:
- The time in 6th grade that your best friend stopped talking to you and wouldn't tell you why.
- The time you sent an email or message inviting your friend to get together and you never heard back.
- The time you took an audition and they didn't even let you know if you'd got the place. (Eventually you assumed you hadn't... but it would've been nice to have been told.)

They were all times when you took a risk for the sake of growth and connection - and it backfired.

How does Tapping work to recover from being ghosted?

There are 3 stages that I think can be extremely helpful:

1. State what has happened and honor how you feel right now.
Even though I've been ghosted, I love and accept myself completely.
I feel so much sadness and loss, in my heart, and all this anger in my body. etc

2. Recognize that - heaven forbid - you've ghosted people in the past.
This helps you to remember the strange phenomenon that us humans suffer from.

When we do something wrong our intentions were good. It came from a place of self-protection or not knowing how else to approach the situation.
On the contrary, when someone else does wrong we feel that their intentions are bad, meaning to hurt us or out of mean-ness or ill-will.

3. Keep tapping to acknowledge the old wounds and hurts.
Even though it's so hard to be ghosted, I love and accept myself.

Through this process you can move much more quickly to stage 6 - peace and acceptance.

This Tapping Video takes you through the process: