BACKLASH….or why you feel great when you rise to a challenge and then like s*%t afterwards… and what to do about it
I was talking to a musician colleague the other day. Let’s call her Olivia.
Olivia’s immensely successful in her field, busy playing and teaching. She is regularly asked to speak at workshops and play in concerts, travelling worldwide, sharing her knowledge, gifts and talent.
Recently Olivia created a program with a new way of working with students –
and it’s innovative, exciting and immensely attractive. The thing is, while she loves the traditional way of working, she's looking to evolve her teaching system...so she’s planning to use platforms and resources which just weren’t available before (like working online, video platforms etc.)
And she’s been feeling great about it.
She’s had a lot of positive feedback and many friends and colleagues believe she’s introducing something unique and really worthwhile.
Until this past weekend...
Olivia went to a conference where she reconnected with an old colleague/mentor.
As she excitedly told her about this new way of teaching, the mentor responded with a blank stare.
There was a moment of silence when she was done describing her new creation.
Then, breaking the silence, her former mentor said "why don't you do it like X? I have had incredible success that way, and this is what works. It's really the only way you should do it."
And there ii was – the message she was giving: ‘Don’t mess with the status quo.’
Olivia felt totally crushed in that moment.
Her bubble of excitement and creative possibility, around these new ways of serving people, had been pricked and she was left feeling deflated, depressed, and even guilty.
The idea that she deserved to make money with this new way of working took a hit. And she’s really worried that she’ll upset her colleagues and teachers. Now she’s doubting everything. All the joy and excitement has gone out of it…replaced by anxiety and concern.
Have you ever had a similar experience?
I feel you! I've had this happen to me in the past. This is SO COMMON. People do this a LOT to each other – and it has nothing to do with you.
Their EGO is involved, fuelled by subconscious programming which creates fear and resistance. They actually can't help it.
And you probably know that, but you never really remember that in the moment.
I call this emotional roller coaster BACKLASH.
AND IT SUCKS!
Fear not… you can absolutely do something about it.
HERE'S HOW I REMEDY IT.
start with remembering the moment.
A: Visualize it.
- When and where were you?
- What challenge were you taking on?
Bring it back.
This is important TO RELEASE IT.
(I'm going to teach you a lot about releasing, it's a key tenet in TAPPING...)
B: Feel into it:
- How did you feel about this challenge? Emotionally? Even physically?
- What kind of things were you saying to yourself?
C: Now recognize the BACKLASH moment:
- Did your mood change? When?
- And if so, how did you feel and what kind of thoughts were you having?
D: What were the consequences?
- Did you stop yourself?
- Did you back-track in any way?
- Did you swear never to try anything like that again?
E: Now it’s time to add some self-compassion and treat yourself with kindness.
After all, this is you going into ‘fight or flight (or freeze)’ and that’s not even a conscious decision, just your 2 million year old brain at work (AKA the amygdala.)
F: The next piece is the tapping... (AKA EFT, Emotional Freedom Techniques.)
I'm going to help you with this!
I'd really love it if you’d share some of your reflections from the exercise above – in the comments below, or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
And then we can jump on a quick call - I'd love to hear what comes up for you around BACKLASH.
You can use the button below to find a time that suits.