Can People Change? What do you think?
I asked a client this the other day.
She is a doctor, struggling with a complicated work situation - with some very toxic colleagues, indifferent bosses and inhuman schedules. She had noticed that this seems to be a pattern for her.
Frequently getting into circumstances - both professionally and personally - where she feels unappreciated, disrespected and badly treated.
It’s been going on her whole life in one form or another and creates a lot of angst, anger and unhappiness.
Her response to my question was simple and heartfelt:
“No, I don’t believe they can.”
She then asked me the same question.
And my answer was:
“Yes... with work.”
Personal Growth and Inner Change
Here’s what I’ve seen and experienced in my own life and through talking, and tapping, with many people.
Change is possible, but not usually through force or instant transformation. You can’t make meaningful change happen overnight.
Real change - especially lasting emotional healing and personal growth - has to come from the inside out.
How Do We Change?
We change by:
- questioning old beliefs
- noticing our patterns
- clearing past trauma at a mind-body-energy level
- receiving support
- taking on new perspectives
- granting ourselves permission to experience new possibilities
And then making different choices again and again, one small moment at a time.
Why Circumstances Matter Too
Now, I firmly believe that circumstances matter. We are not just in our heads - we also live in a physical body, in the real world.
And I’m not saying that every situation or everybody is equal. Not by any means.
I don’t subscribe to the positive-thinking, bandaid advice of:
“Love what you do and do what you love”
as a long-term solution.
There are definitely environments, relationships and occupations that are genuinely easier or harder for us.
My Own Experience of Change
For example, when I was teaching violin to disinterested eight-year-olds, I was deeply unhappy.
No amount of gratitude work or repeating affirmations could shift my feelings of resentment, boredom and loathing - or magically make me love that job.
As time went on, it became worse, not better.
When I finally broke out of that - through years of inner work, changing core limiting beliefs, emotional healing, and the support of a coach - I began performing more as a musician and eventually trained as an EFT Tapping coach for adults.
At last, I am able to genuinely love what I do.
Changing Patterns Instead of Repeating Them
But - and this is an important but - it is vital to practise feeling better and responding differently wherever we are right now, even as we work to change our outer situation.
Otherwise, we simply recreate old patterns in a new place.
It brings to mind that old Confucius quote (or at least the quote attributed to him):
“Wherever you go, there you are.”
Are you taking the best version of yourself as you move forward?
Healing Happens in Small Steps
Progress isn’t necessarily quick.
We are remarkably stubborn creatures with many layers, complexities, old wounds and buried hurts.
So change often looks like tiny steps:
- reaching out
- making a list
- trying again
- seeing ourselves more compassionately
- balancing negative self-talk with a fuller truth
- acknowledging evidence of growth instead of dismissing it
This is often how genuine mindset change and emotional transformation happen.
Change Is Possible
But yes — change is definitely possible.
And in this one life we have to live, challenging ourselves to work towards — and even embrace — change may be one of the most profound and exciting journeys we can take.
