How Strong Is Your Need to Be Perfect?

So how true is 'I've got to be perfect' for you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Especially when you put yourself out into the world. Perhaps it's with everyday stuff like:

• sharing a post on social media,
• creating a website,
  
• looking at yourself in photos,
• making a video or recording,
• writing an email to someone who can help you in your career.
• writing a blog or paper
  

Using EFT Tapping to Work with Perfectionism

I made a EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) Tapping video to deal with the negative fallout from perfectionism. In this blog I wanted to share a little bit of my thinking behind the choice of words we use as we tap and the process from negative to positive. 

The First Step: Say It Like It Is

So we start by acknowledging the idea of 'It's got to be perfect'. Or even 'I've got to be perfect.'

With EFT we don't shy away from our real thoughts - all the negative stuff that we don't often admit to ourselves.

And many clients have said to me: 'That's the first time I've said that out loud, and it is such a relief. Strangely enough, I feel so much better!'

Acknowledging the Pressure

We use words like this: 

It has to be perfect - I feel all this pressure - It’s not good enough yet - I can’t put this out there like this - People will see all the mistakes – how bad it is -  They’ll judge me - They’ll see what’s not good enough - It has to be perfect

Why Tapping Works (Not Just Talking)

What happens in the body

Here's the thing. If we just went on a rant with all these thoughts, perhaps over a drink with a close friend, chances are we'd end up feeling worse, not better. More despair, more negatively justified and depressed, and more powerless.

But something magical happens when we tap around the meridian points. Our body and nervous system get a different message - we're safe, we're OK, we don't need to panic.

💡 If you're new to EFT Tapping, you can learn more about it, see the tapping points that we commonly use, and discover why it's so effective here.

BTW, this is not just me saying it! Studies published in journals such as Energy Psychology and Explore have shown significant reductions in cortisol and anxiety following EFT Tapping.  There have been more than 300 scientific studies of EFT Tapping showing:

• a huge decrease in cortisol (as much as 43%)
• a shift in brain activity after just a few minutes of tapping

Facing the Underlying Fears

Continuing on with our Overcome Perfectionism tapping session, the second we can continue by looking squarely at the fears, like this:

All these different fears – that ‘it’s got to be perfect’ – bring up for me - The fear of being seen and heard - This fear of getting it wrong - maybe getting into trouble - This fear of being judged and criticised

After that, and only then, we can begin to reframe and release.

The Shift: From Fear to Possibility

Why We Don’t Jump Straight to the Positive

Moving to the positive is the part which people love, but which I always recommend holding off on, until you have thoroughly acknowledged all your true feelings and thoughts.

Just like a small child, you let yourself have that tantrum, or that pity party, and really acknowledge any sadness or fear.

Then, and only then, having been seen and heard without judgement or blame or shame, you can move into a different frame of mind. Opening yourself up to new ideas.

And at a brain level, you move from your amygdala to your frontal cortex, where you can think more clearly and creatively.

Introducing Safety and Self-Acceptance

So now we can continue tapping around the points with sentences like:

But could I still feel safe – even if it’s not perfect? – could I really love and accept myself – even if there are mistakes and flaws? – Even if someone doesn’t like what I share?

Working with Resistance

A part of me says - that’s impossible – that would be wrong – if it’s not perfect – I don’t deserve that love and acceptance – but what if I could practice unconditional love – with the person that’s closest to me? – myself! – what if can still be OK?

The Power of “I Choose”

That will feel so much better - and it's a great use of tapping, that move to the positive.

In our final round we use those magic words - words that bypass the most sceptical, disapproving or unaccepting part of our mind:

I Choose.

Releasing Perfectionism and Moving Forward

A Healthier Version of Perfectionism

I choose to know that I am good enough - I’m releasing this constant pressure - This need for everything to be perfect - I can still have high standards - Without this level of stress - I can care deeply about my work – be true to myself – and also be kind to myself 

I choose more ease - more trust – and a much healthier version of perfectionism - one that works for me - not against me – one that allows me to create – put myself out there – and learn and grow – without the inner critic going crazy – without the constant pressure – and that feels so much better.

Watch the Full EFT Tapping Session

Here's the full video where you can experience the complete session and really overcome your perfectionism along with me.